all musings, reflections, conundrums and comments recorded here are the sole product of my own tiny unoccupied mind.
1. Was "All Bran" invented and named by someone from East End London who realised it's the same coming out as it is going in?
2. Is it safe to sleep on a camp bed if you're hetero?
3. If a bird can fly, why can't a fly bird?
4. I am always amazed at the sexual tension when I walk into an empty room.....
5. ...mountaineering in Mexico actually DOES amount to a hill of beans......
6. How big can a woman's breasts get before a man's head explodes?
7. why do the media continuously misspell "Nicki Minaj" ........... it's "Nice Minje"
8. After centuries of discussion, debate, rhetoric and meditation the sages, philosophers, holy men, academics, intellectuals and prophets still cannot understand the greatest mystery of creation - the meaning of wife.
9. Drum Stig's definition of "WORK". Those few minutes of the day you get paid for not being on Facebook.
10. Proof of the existence of (a) parallel universe(s). Listen to a man's side of the story ..... then listen to his wife's.
11. Marriage changed me. Divorce changed me back.
12. If I snack on cheese and oysters with my cocoa at bedtime, will I have really hot dreams...?
13. I'm a man. You're a woman. It'll never work.......
14. There are 10 types of people in the world. Those that understand the binary system and those that don't..... [stolen]
15. As a married man I was buy-sexual. As a divorcee I'm sell-a-bit.
16. In Linguistics the root of EVIL is EVE. In Genetics the code is MiXYph.
17. I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago. But I AM the same person I was 20 years ago......(and that's a fact!)
18. If there's one thing I can't stand it's a hairy nippled witch.
19. If your girlfriend has a poster of Daniel O'Donnell in the kitchen and the bedroom ..... move on quickly!
20. Despite an innate gift for making wrong turns, I always seem to be on the right road
21. she'd never make a DJ, cos she refuses to CHANGE THE BLEEDN' RECORD!!!!!!!!
22. FYI - I can't stand acronyms.
23. Steve Jobs Dies. Shouldn't the WHOLE WORLD get the day off......??
24. With the iPod, iPhone and iPad, Steve Jobs made the finger the most powerful tool we have..... give someone the finger today!
25. Hindsight is the foresight of the gobshite.
26. I couldn't break your heart! You don't have one....
27. U2 enter a bar and get lost. It was a bar of 7/8...
28. I'm thinking of starting a worldwide movement for young ladies between 25 and 35. It's gonna be called "OCCUPY MY BED"
29. the Presidential Candidates can KISS MY ARAS
30. Everyday the pills I take save a life. Some days it's mine. Some days it's my hex-wife's.
31. News Update for Dundrum Centre: Shoppers are only being allowed onto the premises if they are wearing GLUGG Boots....
32. some of my best friends are bass players
33. I'm happiest when I have sixteen and a half inches of wood in my hands. I'm not gay - it's a drummer thing....
34. I respect one man in the whole of creation. My Father.
35. This is the Age of the Wage Slave.
36. My hex is the queen of limbo. Just when you think she can't go any lower, she surpasses all her previous lows...
37. Under Fianna Fail (though not exclusively), the legal vultures, the banksters and the natural apathy of the Irish citizen, Ireland has become a vile little cuntry. (not misspelled)
38. My heart beats at 7/8, my mind spins at 53x12.
39. i'm not gay, but trannies do present an interesting option ..... no PMT and you still get boobs!
40. some of my best relationships are with people i've never met, some who i never got to know and some who are already gone. it's a cute soundbite, maybe a pretentious attempt to be profound, but if it's true, it's a poor indictment of me... however everyday I work honestly and earnestly to do better. bear with me if some days I fail.
41. that Georgia Salpa really annoys me ........ she never returns my calls !!??! WTF??!
42. Oh Joy!! I've rediscovered Interactive Music .... turning the record over to listen to side 2.
43. like the song says "feelin' all of 45, goin' on 15........"
44. the legal process of divorce is psychologically traumatising. i'm pretty sure i have developed tourettes now cos i'm using the word kunt far more liberally.
45. I don't need to hold onto my anger - Karma has it covered........
46. there are 2 sides to every story....then there are the facts. so there are actually 3 sides to every story. you need at least 2 before you can make a judgement...and all three before you can know the truth.
47. My browser keeps freezing. I think it has a thing called 'FIREFOXACHE'. ...at least that's what I shout when it happens....
48. Vegetarians have a good sense of hummus..
49. Can everyone on FaceBook please Shut The Hell Up!!!!!???? I'm speaking.....
50. 4 hrs x 26 weeks = 104 hrs / 3 children = 38 hrs = a day and a half per child every year .......the amount of time the hex thought I should have with my children.
51. is LITTLEWOODS a sex shop for elves...?
52. Ha Bumhug
53. I have learned to have low expectations of people .... that way I'm never disappointed
54. how did the inventors of the typewriter know to put the "L" beside the "O"?....... LOL
55. the disappointment when bottles thrown into the bottle bank don't smash ... i mean come on!! ... the sound is your reward for being environmentally conscientious
56. poking friends is fun .... but being able to punch someone (who is not your friend) in the face would be so much more satisfying
57. as long as private banks control credit and cash politics is redundant.
58. The revolution will not be televised. But it may be streamed...
59. i used to have money. now i have drums...
60. Drum Stig Philosophy... everything comes back to 1
61. ALWAYS !! spell-check "public recital" ..... inviting someone to a "pubic rectal" is not advisable....
62. if you can't forgive unequivocally, you can't love unconditionally..
63. abstinence makes the hard-on longer
64. in Apocalypse Now, I'm pretty sure Robert Duvall actually says "I love the smell of my-palm in the morning".
65. sorry dear, €70,000 into €40,000 doesn't go !
66. I never quite know what to say during masturbation.... #hatesmalltalk
67. I don't advertise the fact I have a massive cock .... I rely on "word of mouth"........ [if only..]
68. take any "Chuck Norris" saying and substitute "Dave Lloyd" ..... it's still true :) ..... Jens Who??
69. Conjugation of the latin verb "Yakare" meaning to no longer hold a former partner in high regard:
Yako
Yaka
Yakas
Yakamus
Yakatis
Yakunt...
70. pancakes .... there's always a flip-side
71. a condom is NOT a "fifty-mission-cap"..!
72. "I only added you so I could see pictures of your Ma....!"
73. I think my penis needs a mouth hug
74. from henceforth, Bill Cullen will be known as "The Northern Lights" .... or to give him his scientific name .... the Roaring Boringbollix.
75. We need to make the bitch-slap legal tender.
76. IRELAND IS A THIRD WORLD COUNTRY - WE ARE BROKE, RIFE WITH CORRUPTION, OWNED BY THE IMF. WE SHOULD LEAVE THE EU AND ASK TO JOIN THE AFRICAN NATIONS
77. much better for the soul to be honest and modest than a liar in luxury
78. Ireland - a country where a solicitor on fraud charges worth €52 million can be awarded free legal aid, can get free legal aid, but a father trying to get access to his children can't....
79. Honestly, Officer. I was driving so slowly that someone actually had time to build a wall so close to the front of the car that it was impossible to avoid
80. Solicitors ...... the best paid typists in the world.
81. never walk into a courtroom unarmed. sometimes you gotta get your own justice.
82. If you claim to do God's work, then act like a complete CUNT ..... aren't you saying that your God is a complete cunt?
83. bigger is always better .... ALWAYS!
84. I am the Face Master!
85. I'm not a racist. Every day I speak to Sum Dim Phok.
86. [85a] I'm not arrogant ...... some days it's me.
87. Why can't the EU do something useful?? ...... like make biscuits one of your "five-a-day"....
88. nobody listens to me .... I speak the truth
89. i'm going into town tomorrow to look for something to hang my sheep's head on the wall ...... EWE RACK HUNT!!
90. bored outta me bush .... couldn't be arsed climbing a tree
91. Do gay men have an Eatapuss Complex?
92. John Holmes - a man who could never see the wood for the pecker!
93. Bobby Fischer's traffic report: "D7 is backed up as far as G2"
94. Top 5 Drummers: 1.Neil Peart 2.Gavin Harrison 3.Stewart Copeland 4.Manu Katche 5.Lenny Cahill
95. I have a 16 track mind...
96. I think I might be a lesbian. AAH LUHZ DA PUSSAY!
